She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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