Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
