You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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