I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
