I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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