1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.