her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
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yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.