At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
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If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot