Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize