You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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