I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize