that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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