mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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