if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
