I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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