i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"