I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party