oh god the rape fog is back!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize