I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
