We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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