This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover