I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.