I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.