Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me