omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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