Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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