he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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