mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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