i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
