i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
