i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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