dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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