We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize