I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
