handjob tips. give me some.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
