So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize