WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
