i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
