My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER