Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm sobbing to NWA
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?