all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND