I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.