Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.