me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
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Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.