she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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