everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize