My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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