I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
