Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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