I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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