"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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