i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
