either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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