it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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