One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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