What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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