i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
