Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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