My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
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i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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