She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
