if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
