Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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